garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
