i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
