k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
