She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
