Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
