i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
