this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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