We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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