Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
