I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
