everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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