I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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