how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
