You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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