omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
