No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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