my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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