Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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