Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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