i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
