Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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