i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
