I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
