and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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