its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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