im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
