real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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