I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
