nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We have started to decorate penises.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
