Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
