I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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