I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
