I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
