Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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