I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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