Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
