i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Randomize