Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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