you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
