I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We just shotgunned beers for America
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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