I am in a vortex of obligation.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
