what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just gargled with NyQuil
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
