I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He has the fingertips of a God
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