I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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