All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i wish my penis had a tongue
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize