remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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