I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
