She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
