I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
