Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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