im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
