You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
