Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
