Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You ruined the universe
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
