Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
