ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
