I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Let's paint friendship bongs
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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