ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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