Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
