it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize