I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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