You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
