On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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