the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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