so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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