Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
