Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
