wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
