So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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