when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
