I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
