Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
