Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
