My first STD was from a foam party
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
