she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So squirting runs in the family.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize