There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
